“But I knew that this would alter irrevocably the whole texture of what I wanted to do, which was to be alone, to test, to push, to unclog my brain of all its extraneous debris, not to be protected, to be stripped of all the social crutches, not to be hampered by any outside interference whatsoever, well meant or not.”
“In picking up a rock I could no longer say, ‘this is a rock’. I could now say, ‘this is a part of a net’, or, closer, ‘this, which everything acts upon, acts’. When this way of thinking became ordinary for me, I too became lost in the net and the boundaries of myself stretched out forever.
In the beginning I had known at some level that this could happen. It had frightened me then. I had seen it as a chaotic principle and I fought it tooth and nail. I had given myself the structures of habit and routine with which to fortify myself and these were very necessary at the time. Because if you are fragmented and uncertain it is terrifying to find the boundaries of yourself melt . . . in different places.
Survival requires different things, based on the environment. Capacity for survival may be the ability to be changed by the environment.”