Category: Humor

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When I Think I Live in a Small Town

I hear things like, “it’s a small town thing.” “You can’t get away with nuthin’.” “Everyone knows each other…everyone is in everyone else’s business…” “You gotta drive an hour to even get to the nearest Walmart.” “Door’s always unlocked, Loretta, you just go right on in there.” “Damn, that’s my cousin I’ve been kissing?” Sometimes I myself say those things. To me, Emporia is … Read More When I Think I Live in a Small Town

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The Vital Importance of Idiosyncratic Leggings

I sit on the seat I always sit on when I am skipping class. The metal stool at the blue-painted wooden table in the northwest corner of Gravel City Roasters by the massive, ceiling-to-floor window front. Right tucked up against the window, as if I were outside with the sunshine itself. My customary class-skipping double-espresso, featured today in a ladybug 2.75oz cup, rests drained … Read More The Vital Importance of Idiosyncratic Leggings

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Drink Your Coffee and Fight for Dracula

Today is the day of extra coffee, the kind of day where you find yourself musing, maybe I should drink some water instead? to which you kindly remind yourself today is not the day to die and also going to bed at 6:00 is too early anyways. Today is the day of dissonance, the kind of day in which you feel the need to … Read More Drink Your Coffee and Fight for Dracula

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To The One Who Kicks My Chair

Dear Sir or Madam Who is Currently Seated Behind Me, I would like you to know that the vertical pieces of metal reinforcement upon which your converse-clad feetsies are “gently” resting carries the tiniest vibrations from your shaking legs and oscillates them into my soul at roughly 500 times the velocity. I would like you to either tap rhythmically, thereby encouraging a good song-pairing, … Read More To The One Who Kicks My Chair

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Dorothy Got Lucky With The Tornado: A 78-Hour Journey Back To Kansas

Today marks one week after the day after the first day I started traveling home to Kansas from Italy.  I would like to share with you my voyage back to the motherland for three reasons: first, to celebrate this phenomenal achievement of a day. Second, because I have been physically in Kansas for 5 days now, and while it’s been…adjectives…to be back, I’m already … Read More Dorothy Got Lucky With The Tornado: A 78-Hour Journey Back To Kansas

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A Red Moon Rises

Blood has been spilled this day. And by blood, of course, I refer to the melancholy state of damper that oozed itself out from under the blanket of the day. For some reason everyone was absolutely wiped the entire day, as if the heat of the summer sun evaporating all manifestations of energy. What happens with a massive decrease in energy? The rise of … Read More A Red Moon Rises

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MAD Pigeon Respect

Here we interrupt the excitement of reading Freud’s proposal of Psychoanalysis (on my end, not yours) to give some clarifications on what makes a pigeon a badass. Wait. Strange choice in adjective.  Chub-glubber? No no, that’s not a real word. Upstanding moral citizen? Not quite. Luficer’s handmaiden? Hmm–a bit too far right. Let’s just let pigeons be themselves. The phrase “to pigeonhole” exists for … Read More MAD Pigeon Respect