Almost every morning I snuggle into cross-legged position with a cup of coffee and write for a while. Clear the cache. Explode a bit. Stream of conscious all the mindless rumblings of my soul until I can begin the day as blank a slate as possible. It’s a form of meditation; I actively practice non-judgment and non-attachment to my thoughts and ideas.
I’ve detailed my morning writing routine here, if you’re interested. Perhaps my favorite effect of doing this (sans the immediate cleansing sensation) is that I can time travel to certain days and reconnect with myself. Reconnect with who I was on Wednesday, December 13th, 2017. Tuesday, June 14th, 2016. See my own progression. Both as a writer and a thinker.
These aren’t “diary entries”; I’ve got a section in Evernote for “Memories” (where I record events from the previous day, keeping a log of my life). I don’t begin:
I just begin however I need to. It just happens, and I get to watch it (and then eventually re-watch it).
When I go back to read these, I am a time traveler to my own soul. I get to see what I was struggling with, what I was longing for, what frustrated me, what set me on fire. Many of these articulated meditations feature me dreaming at the end. Writing out my ideal life, or where I would live if I could. I get to see the progression of my dreams, in these time travel sessions of mine.
I find, too, that I have a lot in common with my past self. That some of the things she was working on, I’m working on. That’s sometimes…frustrating, because it’s been so long on this one struggle of ours. But sometimes it’s calming, as if someone deeply understands me. Someone who has gone through the same thing as what I am going through now. We get each other, past Josie and I.
It’s kind of like writing letters to myself. It’s hard to say you just don’t understand, to ME like it is to say to other people.
I spent this morning in nostalgic time travel, reading back on my articulated mediation sessions. I’ve forgotten a lot of what I had written in the past (how brain plasticity tends to work) and some sections of my sessions made me giggle with absolute happiness. I’d like to share some of these with you, too, both in encouragement to document your own life, and also because they are amusing.
Tuesday, August 23rd, 2016
Okay, so today is definitely going to be a good day. I feel good except that I have to poo because I always do after a run and after some coffee. But I think I’ll persevere and it’ll be chill and stuff.
Wednesday, August 31st, 2016
Whatever. It’s chill. I’m going to make the plane, I’m not a smidge worried. And I am going to sleep and then eat dinner and watch a movie or read for a while. And then when I wake up I’m going to be in Frankfurt, Germany. And then I’m going to be in Graz, Austria and I’m going to run into Anna’s arms and scream,
“BIST DU? ES IST DU!” To which she will be confused because I most likely didn’t say it correctly. I hope that they have vegetarian items on board.
Wednesday, October 19th, 2016
Josie Josie Josie Josie Josie JOSIE.
Sunday, January 8th, 2017
Today I am an animal. That is my intention. I am a productive BEAST of burden, an anomaly of productivity. I am a MACHINE.
Thursday, December 21st, 2017
I wonder why it is that writers drink so much while they are writing. The fun ones, that is, not the serious. Whoozits. There are a lot of things that I wonder about. I wonder why I like peanut butter so much, and perhaps it’s because I tell myself that I do so often. But I think that I genuinely do.
Thursday, February 8th, 2018
**Editor’s Note: this one turned into a blog post
Time is a castle and we spend our lives going from room to room, exploring–or not. Seasons of life are spent in the drawing room, entertaining guests. Season of time are spent isolating ourselves within the servant’s corners.
Sometimes we lean out of the window on rare occasions, and a part of us escapes Time. When that happens, we lose our minds. Not in the ceaseless worry of whether or not we are wasting our lives of which we are so accustomed, but in the scent of the wind and the breath of the flowers and the giggling of the pines.
We must be both careful and intentional. Leaning too far out of the castle, reaching towards the sensations of the forests, will cause us to lose all sort of grounding.
But to never lean at all.
That is monumentally worse.
Tuesday, February 20th, 2018
Okay, Jos, remind yourself: you love Churchill, Kerouac, strong black females, writing, coffee, surrealism & peanut butter.
Thursday, March 1st, 2018
Good morning and welcome to the morning Bitch session. I’m your host, Josie, and today you will be joining me for some
It’ll be exciting.
But first, a word from our sponsors:
Jiff’s Natural Peanut butter is the greatest peanut butter in the entire world. If you slit my veins I would probably bleed peanut butter. Which would be a dangerous sign and then you should take me to the hospital, probably.
Back to you, Jos.
I’d say give yourself material to chuckle at. That makes a good sort of life.
Peace and blessings,